Do you, err, speak-a in English?

These are the following conversations with some hospital staff, from a hospital somewhere (name protected as I don’t want to give it a bad name and also to protect myself). It’s quite recent actually, about a few days ago. Here goes:

WITH THE SECURITY GUARD:

Me: Excuse me, where can I park my car besides here (pointing at some parking place with no parking slot available)

SG: HUH!!!?? (same response as if someone told him that he is ugly) Apa dia??!!

Me: Err, WHERE… CAN… I… PARK… MY CAR???

SG: HUH!!!??? Kenapa ni???

Me: (at this point, I gave up, I knew I had to use some other not so alien language to him). Bukan bang, saya nak letak kereta tapi sini penuh. Ada lagi tempat lain saya boleh letak?

SG: (with a beaming smile on his face) Alah, cakap lah. Boleh, ada ada. Dekat sana, lepas ‘corner’ tu… (and yada yada yada)

Ok, never mind. Probably just a one off incident, and besides, not all security guards are capable of speaking that ‘alien’ language. However:

WITH THE RECEPTIONIST/NURSE:

Me: Excuse me, I want to register my mother for inspection.

Nurse: HUH???!!! Apa???!!

Me: (realized that this might be the same problem as previously, but still had faith in the nurse) Err, I want to help my mum to register for inspection, for check up (at some points of conversation I used hand signs and pointed at my mum and the inspection door, for the nurse to understand).

Nurse: HUH???!! Apa yang encik nak??!!

Me: (….. I gave up again). Bukan kak, saya nak tolong mak saya daftar nama untuk diperiksa kesihatannya. Apa yang saya perlu buat?

Nurse: Oh.. (sudden calmness on her face and a breath of relief from her), cakap la. Macam ni, tulis nama dan I/C di sini (and yada yada yada)…

At that point, I was quite shocked. But anyways, yeah, I still give them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe it won’t happen again, I think to myself.

So after four hours of waiting (yes, four figgin’ hours!), it’s finally my mum’s turn (yeah, four hours for inspection. If there’s a more severe case like the person is bleeding or what, he’ll probably die of bleeding already!). So I went in… saw the doctor (bald, big size doctor) and his nurse. And then after the smile and stuff like that, I proceeded to have this conversation with the doctor:

WITH THE DOCTOR:

Me: Doctor, my mum’s hand has been in this condition for the past 2 weeks.

Doctor: HUH!!!?? Apa??!

Me: (shocked and terrified!!) Err, my mum (pointing to my mum). Her hand (pointing to her hand). Like this (still pointing at her hand), for 2 weeks (gave a peace sign to the doctor).

Doctor: Huh??!! Kenapa ni??!!

Me: (……………………….I gave up once again). Doctor, tangan emak saya sudah dalam keadaan begini sejak dua minggu lepas.

Doctor: Ah (his head nodded), macam tu la. Kenapa tak cakap tadi? Mari saya tengok…

Yes folks, these are not made up and 100% percent true, maybe not word-for-word but yes, it’s mostly, very real and very true indeed. And nope, this is not in a clinic or whatsoever, it’s in a popular hospital around where I live. So, go figure where it is, and good luck speaking to the staff there.

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7 Responses to “Do you, err, speak-a in English?”

  1. LMAO man that is to typical Malaysian culture. You know and at the end of the day people will call you snob because you spoke to them in English… Sheesh!

  2. Good grief! Thank goodness when I went to Ampang Puteri, even though all the staff that attended were ethnically Malay, they all spoke to me in fluent English from the medical technicians, nurses right up to the tudung-clad doctor.

    IMHO, Ampang Puteri is a great hospital to go to, the staff were friendly and helpful and calming… course this was in the emergency ward in the middle of the night with not many people there but still, I had an excellent impression of the hospital.

  3. Well, Gleneagles is good too since we’re on the subject of Private Hospitals. Or are we? LOL, I think any private hospital would be better than government ones. Except that you pay through your nose :S

  4. Nyx: Hi once again. Ampang Puteri hospital? Where is it? … ok I’m just kidding. But really, I would expect hospital staffs to at least understand some English of some sort, and it’s not like extremely complicated English. But thanks, now I know which hospital to go to when… there’s a need to go to hospitals. I’m imagining myself saying this if I got involved in a road accident:

    (after a horrific car crash, and I’m left injured… but still able to talk)
    Person: Mister! Are you ok?

    Me: (OBVIOUSLY NOT!) Err… I need help…

    Person: You need to go to the hospital immediately!

    Me: (DUH!) Err… yes…

    Person: Let’s go to the nearest one, S******* hospital!

    Me: NO! I wanna go Ampang Puteri hospital!

    Person: But, we’re in S******* now…

    Me: NO! I wanna go Ampang Puteri hospital! If I go S******* hospital, there’s no difference leaving me here to bleed to death then!

    Oh… me and my imaginations…

    Marcus: Yeah of course there’s better service in private sectors. Glen Eagles is of course good! There’s Dome cafe inside as well. But yeah la, you have to pay through your nose to get treatment there… gee, I wonder how much is it to get treated there. And is it true that they won’t treat you unless you pay them deposit money first? Heard from Angela yesterday while we were there…

  5. Dunno ler… Maybe gua, but then again you are assured that the kind of help you get is top notch la haha

  6. To Marcus: Yeah I know the help is top notch (I heard the specialists there get paid more than 20k a month!), but if I had to wait til someone pay can fork out a deposit for my medical fees, by then I think I would have been dead due to all the waiting, if it was an emergency case.

  7. Well depends on what kinds of emergency lor. I’m sure that lets say if it were a real emergency kind of thing and there were no family around at that time they would at least keep him alive la. Doctors have to take some kind of oath not to harm life or something like that ma.

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